Graffiti
by Esme
Summary: It's the morning after an impromptu office party, and the Rats have to clean up the mess.


Title: Graffiti  
Author: Esme  
Date: ??  
Category: Fluff  
  
Disclaimer: the usual "Yaggadi-yaggadi-bla-bla-bla" (I just love that quote!) If you recognise the characters - chances are they're not mine. Apparently they belong to some guy called Hell or Hal or something. But I get so confused around here coz so many different people keep claiming ownership. I tell you - one day this will all end in a bitter court battle. g  
  
Author's Notes: I got this idea when I was in the toilets at school. I saw some graffiti and thought "you either have to be really dumb or really drunk to do this sort of thing..."  
  
  
  
--  
Graffiti  
--  
  
  
  
Rachel walked into the station - sunglasses on, head pounding.   
  
No one else even noticed that she was late, and they all looked as bad as she felt.   
  
She walked into the office and just groaned. Mick was already there, beginning to clean up. She couldn't remember much of what had happened last night, but it looked like they'd had a major paper fight. Actually, it looked more like a paper-and-anything-else-you-can-lay-your-hands-on fight.   
  
It had all started with just Jack and Rachel having an innocent drink up on the roof after solving a case. Then the divers had come along, and Helen wandered up and then Mick and the boat crew had got back from a job. And suddenly it was a full-blown impromptu office party. Luckily Jeff was away for two days.   
  
Instead of taking the sensible option with all of them going down to the pub, Tommy and Gavin had gone out and brought back more supplies. As it had got colder and they had all got tipsier, they'd spilled down from the roof onto the balcony and then into the station. After that, Rachel's memory started to blur.  
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Jack arrived at the station about half an hour after Rachel. He got out of the taxi and had to empty his pockets to pay the bill. He checked out his precious car to make sure it had survived the night, then he walked into the station.   
  
He felt like shit. He hadn't made it home last night, and he'd had a cold shower because *she* had used all the hot water, and he was wearing yesterday's suit - which didn't make him feel any better. He cursed Rachel as he went up the stairs, if she'd waited half an hour they could have shared the taxi.  
  
-~-~-~-  
  
When Jack walked into the office he didn't groan, he just scowled. One look at his face was enough to make Rachel feel a whole lot better. Someone else was suffering more than she was.   
Jack glared at her, "Why are you so happy?"  
"I'm not," said Rachel, trying to suppress the urge to giggle, "it's just, I can see your hangover from here."  
Once again Jack just scowled, and Rachel decided to keep her mouth shut. She left the room and came back with a glass full of clear liquid. She offered it to Jack.   
"What is it?" he asked.  
"Just drink it, it'll help with the hangover."  
Reluctantly, Jack took the glass and gulped a mouthful of the liquid. The look on his face amused Rachel immensely. He looked for somewhere to spit it out, and eventually found the pot plant.  
"It's salt! What are you trying to do to me?" said Jack as he gagged on the salty water.  
  
Rachel repeated what Frank had once said when he'd given her salty water for a hangover - "Salt helps you absorb water. It's a quick cure for dehydration." She walked away grinning at what she had done to Jack. The grin turned into a soft, distant smile as she remembered those times with Frank.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Other than cleaning up the office, the D's had a rather un-productive morning. Jack was still grumpy, and Rachel had to get out of the office, so she excused herself to go to the toilet. She leaned against the door and closed her eyes. Her headache had subsided, but she'd still much rather be at home. She opened her eyes and her mouth dropped open at the sight in front of her. 'Oh god!' she thought.   
  
Scrawled across one of the cubicle doors in big thick black letters was   
  
RG  
4  
JC  
  
She looked around at the other walls as vague memories of the night before began to float back.  
  
"TJ 4 GS - true love for ever"  
"EW loves TT"  
  
There was writing everywhere.  
  
"Mick is cute"  
"Tayler loves Gavin"  
"Emma loves Tommy"  
"Rachel loves Jack"  
  
'Whoa!' thought Rachel, 'talk about office romances'. But this was really a nightmare, what were they going to do? Whilst contemplating what to do next, Rachel kept reading the graffiti.  
  
"I think JC is hot"  
"Tommy is a sex god"  
"I love Shania Twain"  
  
'Oh please, get some taste!' thought Rachel.   
  
"Gavin is a sexy babe"  
"I luv JC"  
"HB loves GS"  
  
Helen? And Gavin? 'No way!' thought Rachel. This was all getting too much. Rachel got some toilet paper and water and tried rubbing at the writing, but it wouldn't come off. And then out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of a permanent marker. Once again she had to groan. This was more than she could handle, she needed backup.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Jack decided to take a toilet break too, and when he walked into the men's toilets he saw something quite similar to what Rachel was looking at - just reversed.  
  
JC  
4  
RG  
  
"GS loves TJ"  
"Woodsie is a babe"  
"MR loves SA"  
"Tayler is lush"  
"I love Rachel"  
"TT 4 EW 4 ever"  
"I love Sporty Spice"  
"Suzie is horny"  
  
Jack just couldn't believe they had done this. Then he noticed another piece of graffiti  
  
"Rachel is sexy"  
  
But that wasn't his own handwriting Gavin! He'd have to have words about this. Actually that was a good idea - he needed Gavin and Tommy and Mick, and they needed to work out what to do about this.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Jack and Rachel both came out of the toilets at the same time. They paused and smiled at each other awkwardly. Then they quickly rushed in opposite directions - Rachel went to Helen's office, and Jack went downstairs to find Tommy and Gavin.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Rachel walked hurriedly into Helen's office and closed the door. Helen looked up, obviously not happy to be interrupted, but she was certainly more amiable than she had been earlier in the day.   
  
"Helen," began Rachel, "do remember anything about last night?"  
"Not much," said Helen, "but I've got a smashing reminder inside my head telling me that something happened."  
"Well I think we've got a bit of a problem, you need to come and look at something," said Rachel.   
"Now?"  
"Yes, now."  
  
They walked down the hallway and then casually went into the female toilets.  
"Oh god!" said Helen.  
"Exactly," replied Rachel.   
  
"Shit."  
"Yep."  
  
"Oooh, what are we gonna do?"  
"I don't know. But I've just got one question." Rachel pointed to the piece of graffiti saying 'HB loves GS'. "Is there something you want to tell me about you and Gavin?"  
"Gavin?" said Helen with confusion. "Oh, Gavin Sykes, GS. God, no! Actually I think that's GS - Gillian Swain."  
"Really? Oh of course!" said Rachel. "That is such a relief. I mean - Gavin. But you and Gillian is there something"  
The look that Helen shot at Rachel was very obviously saying 'don't go there'. Rachel knew that this was a time when she should shut up.   
  
Helen looked around once more. "I think I'll go and get Tayler and Emma."  
"Good idea."  
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Helen walked briskly downstairs to the reception area and looked around. "Where are Sykes and Tavita?"  
"Jack took them upstairs, to help the D's with something, I think."  
"Okay. Johnson, I need your assistance upstairs. Do you know where Woods is?"  
"I think she's in the divers area," said Tayler, looking confused.   
"Fine," replied Helen, reducing her voice to a whisper. "Go and get her and come upstairs to the toilets just don't ask," she added as she saw the questioning look on Tayler's face. Helen quickly went back upstairs and back into the toilets.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Tayler and Emma came up the stairs looking confused, and Mick and Gavin smiled at them as each pair went into their respective toilets.   
  
Mick looked at the walls of the toilets in disbelief. He tried to ignore the "Suzie is horny" but it was hard. The four guys tried to look macho as they stood around discussing how they were going to go about cleaning off all this graffiti.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Next door, the four girls were also discussing the same problem.   
"I'm telling you, vegemite and garlic," said Tayler.   
"Vegemite and garlic?" the others all looked at her disbelief.   
"I know it sounds crazy, but Gav and I were at a school because of some vandalism. And there was graffiti all over the place, and the old cleaning lady was saying that only thing that worked to get permanent marker off was an old home remedy or something. And basically it was just vegemite and fresh garlic. And we saw it - it really did work."  
"But where are we gonna get garlic and vegemite from?" asked Rachel.   
"Well there's vegemite in the meal room," said Emma, "and I've got some garlic in my car - in my grocery shopping which never made it home yesterday."  
"Okay," said Helen, deciding to take the plunge. "Emma you get the garlic, and Tayler you get the vegemite and scrubbing brushes or whatever else we need."  
  
After the two younger women left, Helen turned and looked at Rachel. Rachel looked straight back and said "This is going to be disgusting."  
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Tayler hurried down to the meal room and got the big jar of vegemite out of the cupboard. Then she went to find some brushes and definitely some rubber gloves. As she came back past the meal room, Gavin called out to her.  
"Hey Tayler! Do you know where the vegemite is?"  
"No, I haven't seen it," she replied innocently. "Maybe there isn't any?"  
"There was an almost brand new huge jar of it here this morning, but now I can't find it."  
"Sorry Gav, can't help." Luckily Gavin didn't notice what Tayler was hiding behind her back.   
"Aahh, and one other thing," said Gavin, "do you happen to know if there's any garlic around here?"  
"I doubt it," replied Tayler, as things started to click into place in her mind.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Tayler went back into the toilets and burst into laughter. Helen, Rachel and Emma just looked at her.   
"The guys have got the same problem!" said Tayler  
"How do you know?" they all asked back.   
"Well Gav came down to the meal room looking for vegemite and garlic!"  
"And we saw Mick and Gavin going into the guys toilets before," said Emma, beginning to catch on.  
"And both Skyes and Tavita weren't downstairs because they were up here helping Jack," added Helen, also starting to work out what was happening.   
"And Jack was acting suspiciously outside the toilets before!" finished Rachel, as the pieces finally began to fall into place.   
  
The four colleagues looked at each other and smiles began to break out on their faces. They began to giggle as they all saw the funny side of this situation.   
  
-~-~-~-  
  
Back in the men's toilets, they had decided to give up for the moment, as they couldn't find any vegemite and garlic and no one could think of anything else to do. They went out to the meal room and decided it must be time for a lunch break - even though they had done almost nothing all day. They found it curious that none of the female officers could be found anywhere, but they didn't think any more about it.   
  
Half an hour later, Rachel, Helen, Tayler and Emma emerged from the toilets and a pungent garlic odour wafted before them. The men stood there making jokes about smells and laughing.   
"Where've you chicks been?" laughed Jack.  
Rachel looked at him, and Jack read the message loud and clear through her eyes, something like - 'if you say another thing, this relationship is over. I will never sleep with you again'. So he shut up.  
  
"Aah, you know us Jack," said Emma, "just doing a bit of cleaning."  
"And I wouldn't laugh if I were you Christey," added Helen in her professional tone, "because I believe you might need to do a little cleaning of your own."  
The smiles were instantly wiped off the four men's faces as Tayler put down a jar of vegemite and a clove of garlic in front of them.   
  
Helen walked out of the meal room and almost ran into someone. "Jeff! You're back - we weren't expecting to see you until tomorrow."  
"Well, you know me Helen, ready to get back into it straight away," said Jeff. "Look, I'm just going to use the bathroom and then you can bring me up to date on what's been happening."  
  
"Ah Jeff, absolutely nothing's been happening," said Jack as he rushed past. "But I don't suggest you use the bathroom."  
"Why not?"  
"Well" said Jack, frantically trying to come up with an excuse. "Sykesie had something disagreeable for lunch, and well we were just going to clean up the mess."  
"Oh," said Jeff, "that's very good of you. I'd better just hold on then. Let me know when you've finished."  
"Will do."  
  
-~-~-~-  
  
When the guys emerged from the toilets an hour later, the girls couldn't help but burst into laughter.  
  
A strange garlicky odour permeated through the station for the rest of the week, but when questions were asked, no one knew anything.   
  
At the end of the week Rachel was in the toilets freshening up before going down to the bar. She accidentally dropped and earring. "Damn!" she said as she got down on her hands and knees to find it. It had rolled into a corner, and as she went to pick it up she noticed a small bit of graffiti that they had all missed.  
'Shit! How drunk was I?' she thought as she read it  
  
RG  
loves  
FH  
4  
ever  
  
  
  
~~  
Finis!  
~~  
  
  
  
More Author's Notes: please don't ask me if Vegemite and garlic really works, they were just the first two things that came into my head. If anyone wishes to try it and then tell me - please do.   
  
FEEDBACK!!! Please? - erinwilson@trump.net.au  
  



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